How do I see myself?

The self image is often built by what we see and feel. Our experience of the world around us and the internalization of what others say about us become the basic materials in constructing what we believe about ourselves. It is this belief (regarding ourselves) that shapes our being and the consequential actions that follow. As such, our behaviour is often very much related to the value we afford ourselves. This value (our self image) influences almost all our actions and attitude towards relationships. Thus, an important question to ask in self-assesment is "What is my value as a person?".

The value that we give ourselves is usually dependent to a great extent, on external factors. If this is the case, our security would heavily depend on affirmation from others. As one who builds his house on sand, we would tend to build our sense of security and self-esteem on the judgements of people. We accept their judgements as gospel truths and thus, continue to cling on a false understatement of the reality of who we are. At times, we may not even realise how dependent we are on the judgements of others. Personally, a good way to gauge my level of 'clinging' would be to recognise my own defensiveness when I do not gain favour from my peers.What is our reaction when people do not agree with us? How do we feel when someone else seems to find more favour with the people around us? Do I have a constant need to be better than everyone else? How do I feel about failure? What is my attitude to the other who receives a greater reward? If my answer to questions like these go along the lines of envy, aggresiveness, anger or the likes, its about time I checked my foundation.

For some of us, our self-esteem may also depend heavily on our intellectual capacity. As such, we may have a constant urge to display our intellectualism at every chance we see. I would want to portray an image of intelligence and wisdom in all my conversations because i feel valued when people think I am smart. Disaster strikes when we realise there are times when our intelligence give way. This reality is often bitterly accepted by one who depends on his intelligence as a foundation for his self-esteem. Every attack against his intellectuality would seem to threaten his security, making him irritable and often defensive. There is then a need to break the walls of such false esteem in order to lay a new foundation.

Thus, how can I build my self-esteem? How do I identify my real worth? Personally, the only answer I can suggest is to value ourselves based on how God values us. God saw so much value in us that he was willing to become man and die for our sake (Jn 3:16). If God sees that much value in me, why should I think otherwise? I am loved the way I am. I do not have to earn this love with my skills and capacities. All I have to do is to accept this love and live it. This is the strongest foundation one can build his self-esteem on. After all, it is Christ who truly reveals us to ourselves (Gaudium et spes). Our true self image lies in how he sees us, more than how we see ourselves. I firmly believe that true peace and confidence lies in acknowledging that we are loved by God, and thus recognizing our call to love as He does.